Batista Quits

The post-WWE Payback edition of RAW opens up with video highlights of The Shield and Evolution main event from last night’s pay-per-view. From there, we shoot live into the arena in Indianapolis, Indiana, where Evolution’s theme music plays. Out walks a banged up and bruised Triple H, Randy Orton and Batista.

Triple H, who is sporting a black eye, looks around while the fans break out in their first “Boo-tista” chant of the evening. HHH says “they say it’s always darkest just before the dawn.” He says the funny thing is The Shield, and all of the fans, think that they’ve won. They think it’s over. He says none of us get it — he doesn’t lose. He wins. Always.

HHH hands the mic off to Batista, and the fans break out into a loud “CM Punk” chant. Batista angrily tells HHH that he doesn’t want another match with The Shield. He says he wants the one-on-one WWE World Heavyweight Championship match that he promised him. HHH tells Batista that there’s a reason he’s the leader of Evolution and why he’s the boss. He says he has the ability to see the bigger picture. He says he has a plan, but Batista interupts him and tells him he doesn’t care about his plan.

“The Animal” goes on to talk about how he won the Royal Rumble and earned a one-on-one title match, and he’s demanding that he get it tonight. HHH tells Batista that Daniel Bryan is injured and can’t compete, so even if he wanted to, he can’t give him a title shot tonight. He says if he did, he’d probably choke anyways. Batista gets pissed. HHH says he’s sorry but things are stressful right now. He gets worked up when talking about how he never loses a fight. He says when this thing with The Shield is over, he promises Batista he’ll get everything he wants. He looks at Orton and says until that time no one is getting anything they want. Batista says, “I understand, and I quit.” He drops the mic, sarcastically waves to the fans and leaves.

As Batista storms off to the back, HHH freaks out on the mic. He demands Batista come back. He says his movies are going to flop and to run back to Hollywood. He freaks out some more and then drops the mic in anger.

Sheamus & Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro & Bad News Barrett

As we head to our first commercial break of the evening, we are informed that coming up next is a tag-team match featuring Sheamus and Rob Van Dam battling the duo of Cesaro and Bad News Barrett. On that note, we head to break.

When we return from commercial, we see a quick backstage interview during the commercial via the WWE App where Batista is exiting the building and is stopped by one of the no-name WWE “reporters.” He informs him that “he’s done.” He spoke about empty promises, getting lied to since returning and kept repeating that “he’s done.” He walked off.

From there we go back to the ring, where Cesaro is introduced. Out next is the WWE Intercontinental Champion, Bad News Barrett. Already in the ring are their opponents for tonight, Rob Van Dam and Sheamus.

The bell rings and here we go. Paul Heyman joins Michael Cole, JBL and Jerry Lawler on commentary for this match. Cesaro and Sheamus start things off for their respective teams, with Sheamus getting the early advantage over “The King of Swing.”

The two battle back-and-forth for a bit until each guy makes the tag. Barrett and Van Dam are going at it now, with Barrett getting the better. Van Dam goes to the top for a high-spot, but is met by a huge shot from Bad News Barrett on the way down. On that note, we head to a mid-match commercial.

When we return from commercial, Cesaro and Van Dam are battling it out, with Cesaro getting the better of the two. After a bunch of tags from both teams, and a lot of intense back-and-forth action, the finish comes when Cesaro and Paul Heyman walk out on the match, leaving Barrett hanging, as Barrett turns around into a Brogue Kick from Sheamus and a Five Star Frogsplash from Van Dam. 1-2-3. Sheamus and Rob Van Dam win. After the match, we head to commercial.

Winners: Sheamus & Rob Van Dam

Damien “Lance Stephenson” Sandow & Big Show

When we return from commercial, Damien Sandow comes out as Indiana Pacers player Lance Stephenson. We see a shot of some real Pacers in the crowd. Sandow is wearing the jersey, carrying a basketball, etc. He says, as Lance Stephenson, he wants to make it clear that LeBron James is the best player in history and that the Indiana Pacers are a losing team from a losing city. There’s a basketball rim and he says he’s going to show a demonstration. He dicks around with the ball like a jerk off for a little while — far too long actually — until finally Big Show comes out.

When Big Show enters the ring and his music cuts, Sandow says “how dare you interupt my mad skills.” He asks Big Show if he thinks he’s “got game.” Sandow gives Big Show the ball and then moves around like a jerk off some more, pretending to “cover” him. Big Show throws the ball at his stomach real hard and then hits him with the Knockout Punch. He grabs the ball and dunks it in the rim, bending the rim down in the process. After all of this nonsense we head to another commercial.