Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, October 24th, 2011 (USA Network)
Location: The Frank Erwin Center in Austin, Texas
Results by Tony Acero
“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”
Let’s f’n ROLL!! We are live tonight in Austin, TX. Apparently, King has never seen anything like what Show and Henry did it…was he working when Show did it with Brock? Come on, guys! Geez! Cole and King oversell last night’s PPV as Triple H’s music plays. Trips (in T-Shirt and Jeans Attire 1) comes out with his angry face. Triple H says that this is a tough business. He was taught real early by K. Kowalski that you can either make friends or you can make money. Triple H always pretty much lived by that creedo but considered himself a lucky one because had both friends and money. He thought he could count on these guys. These guys that would never royally fuck up a jackknife powerbomb. He name drops HBK, X-Pac and finally Kevin Nash. Somewhere along the way, things changed. Triple H ain’t got no friends, he realizes now. Nash changed as what was important to him became business, money, and power, not so much friendship. He throws up the Clique’s little wolfpac hand gesture. He thought this was forever, but Nash came to the ring and tried to break H’s neck. He’s not worried about his neck, though, or his physical well being. It’s a tough business. What Triple H is more worried about is his heart….Kevin Nash broke Triple H’s heart. Triple H knows he’s here so get on out here. Triple H is going to kick his ass for breaking his heart…
Instead of Nash, we get John Laurinitis. He says that he heard Nash is not here, but is instead on a La-Z-Boy. Triple H tells him to shut up and tells him not to go through the ropes. Triple H tells Ace that if he walks through the ropes, it’s not going to end well for him. Ace tries to talk and Triple H says shut up again. Ace keeps talking anyways. Triple H tells him that the Exec VP of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of RAW, but Trips is the COO so what he’s going to be tonight is the guy that goes back and scours the building to find Nash and bring him out to Triple H. If Ace doesn’t want Triple H to embarrass the company, then he needs to find Nash and offer him a contract. Triple H says, if not, he’s going to find Nash himself and probably end up in jail and embarrass this company because of what he does. So in the interest of this company, Ace best find Nash so Triple H can kick his ass. Ace says he’s being unreasonable, but Triple H walks up the ramp. His piece has been said. Triple H turns around at the top of the stage to tell Ace shut up and here comes Nash with a sledgehammer. He hits Triple H in the back as Ace quiestions Nash’s reasonings for being here.
In the back, Triple H tries to walk by himself and ends up fainting.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Triple H show.
We are back, after a break and we get Cole’s sooper serious voice, going over what happened. They replay the otherwise weak looking shot of Nash hitting Trips with the sledgehammer as well as tossing a few stagehands around. In the back, Trips is about to be placed in an ambulance but Nash is there. Triple H is attacked to a stretcher and knocked out. Nash drags him up towards some boxes and grabs Sledgy. He sizes up the H’s and goes for a head shot but we’ve got a lot of security holding him back…whoa. Overkill much? Triple H is face down on the ground, knocked the F out like a WWE logo. Johnny Ace is there to apologize. Well that’s kind of him. We go to another break…now what voice will Cole and King use when we come back?!?!
Back, for the third time and the ambulance is headed out. Oh yay, another replay. Good lord, they are really taking about 30 minutes of the show for this? I don’t know if this is upsetting you guys as much as it is me, but I could have sworn we’ve seen a feud between these two before and it was the epitome of crap. This is all too familiar territory and I am not happy. Let’s move on, yes? Yes.
Match 1: Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes and Christian
Lovers of Smackdown, rejoice! We’re starting with Christian and Orton. Rhodes is all evil eyed. Christian with a kick then a hard slap and another, sending Orton to the corner. He whips him to the opposite corner but Orton comes out of the corner with a clothesline. He tosses Christian over his head then stomps the right leg of Christian. He mad dogs Rhodes before tagging in Sheamus. Orton whips Christian right into a shoulder block from Sheamus over the rope! He goes for a pin but only gets a two. Sheamus with a bench press but Christian rolls out of it, slaps Sheamus and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes flies in but gets launched over Sheamus’s head. He sets Rhodes up for the Riestra (the chest beating shit in the ropes he does, can someone check the spelling on that for me? Thanks.). Clothesline then Sheamus goes up top. instead of hitting Rhodes, though, he hits a shoulderblock to Christian from the apron! Who said Sheamus could start flyin! This gives Rhodes the opportunity to kick Sheamus in the chest then bring him in for a Side Russian Leg Sweep and a chin lock from behind as we go to break.
We are BACK! Christian has a foot choke onto Sheamus on the heel side of the ring and Rhodes gets a harsh hit to Sheamus as the ref is distracted. Shemaus fights back but Christian sets up for the Unprettier. Oh but there’s Sheamus to hit a move that I didn’t see because I got a text message. Sheamus tags in Christian and he comes in with some clotheslines, then a powerslam. A kick to Christian and we get a gutwrench scoop up into a neckbreaker. Pin for 1…2…No go! Orton sends Christian to the apron, he’s setting up for the DDT, but Christian with a hangman! Christian goes for a hit to the chin of Orton, but Orton ducks, and grabs and Christian. He hits the DDT! He’s gettin ready for the RKO! Rhodes runs in for the interference but Orton goes for the RKO!. Rhodes is outta there quick status. Christian up top and flies off the corner to hit Orton in the head then tag in Rhodes. Rhodes comes in with some hard rightgs and it appears he wants to keep orton grounded. Rhodes with a knee to the face of Orton then they trade some rights. Rhodes wins the exchange after hitting a dropkick. Rhodes tags in Christian and Christian with a chin lock then drags his forearm across the face of Orton. Christian smooshes Orton’s head like he’s Khali Jr. but Orton fights out with some rights. Christian up top. He goes for an axe handle but Orton with a dropkick!
Orton is looking for the tag, so is Christian. We get the tags from both men and here comes Sheamus with some hard axe handles and a body slam! Clothesline into the corner, running knee lift then the Irish Curse backbreaker! He goes for the cover! 1….2….NO! Shemaus calls for the finish but Christian distracts. Shemaus with the Brogue kick, Rhodes ducks and hits the Beautiful Disaster! Rhodes goes for Orton and Christian hits a spear on Sheamus! Rhodes with the cover 1…2..NO! Orton is there to break it up. Christian runs in but Orton hits an RKO and sends him to the outside! Rhodes is left in the ring with Sheamus! Rhodes goes for the Beautiful Disaster and Sheamus hits a Brogue Kick which only hits Rhodes in the knee. Sheamus with the Celtic Cross. Pin. 1….2…3!!!
Winners: Randy Orton and Sheamus (***)
Aside from what I can only assume was a slight mishap at the end there, this match was pretty damned good. All four of these men have worked together so many times that it’s so surprising how they can continue to mix it up and make it fresh.
We get a replay from last night’s attack on Cena from Miz and Truth in picture form before heading to the back with Ace. He is on the phone with someone saying that Triple H is doing ok. It’s Stephanie McMahon on the phone and it appears that she is blaming Ace. After they hang up, Otunga stands and says that Steph is just upset. Here comes Cena to tell Carlton Banks to walk it out. He tells Ace to follow Zack Ryder then tells Ace to take 2 weeks off then quit. Ace tells Cena that tonight he can have Miz and Truth in a tag team match against Cena and a partner of Ace’s choosing. Cena’s only pre-req, it appears, is that his partner is not carrying a skateboard…
We are back on Raw and Santino Marella is already in the ring. It looks like we’re having a match with Dolphy.
Match 2: Dolph Ziggler vs. Santino Marella
Santino seems to have given up haircuts for the time being. Ziggleris thrown off by Santino’s attempts and Santino hits a snapmare. Dolph gets upset and grabs him but Santino pulls out the Cobra and Dolph jets it. Dolph with a hard right from behind the ropes then stalks Santino a bit before hitting a dropkick. Ziggler with a clothesline, but Santino hits the splits and we get a right then a headbutt. Ziggler calls for the Cobra but Swagger hops on the apron for the distraction. Here comes Ziggler with a Zig Zag and a pin for the 1….2…3! Swagger comes in quickly to beat on Santino then locks in the ankle lock but here comes Mason Ryan to help out by giving the boot to Swagger!
Winner: Dolph Ziggler (*1/2)
Too short to really mean anything and I’m a bit worried that we’re going forward with the Ryan Experiment, and I just don’t think he’s ready.
Swagger comes in quickly to beat on Santino then locks in the ankle lock but here comes Mason Ryan to help out by giving the boot to Swagger!
The Bellas are in the back talking about what happened. Here comes Ryder, saying that he was chosen as Cena’s partner! He is happier than I was when I found out that there is a girl out there that thinks I’m cute. Ah Ryder, good for you!
Let us all welcome Ricardo Rodriguez and his busted eye as he brings out Del Rio. Here comes the successful Champion hisself, Alberto Del Rio. He is on the mic and calls everyone idiots because they thought that Cena was going to win. (I didn’t, Del Rio! Promise!). He says that He was the last man standing and Cena was lying on the floor like a dying dog. He has proven once and for all that he is the better man so as far as Cena, Del Rio is done with him. He had his chance and he lost, so Del Rio is moving on. The problem is that there is no one better than Del Rio in the WWE so you better get used to seeing him as the champion for a long, long, long time. Au contrair, mon friar!
CM Punk’s music hits and he’s got a pipe bomb in hand! Punk comes out saying that Del Rio must have gotten hit in the head a bit hard because Punk has beaten him a couple of times. In fact, it was four weeks ago on RAW when he beat him. Something else that he may not remember is that Punk never received his one on one title shot, soooooo Punk proposes the question, do you got the cajones to put the title on the line against Punk? Del Rio says he will defend his title against any worthy opponent, but Punk isn’t worthy. He didn’t win last night, so in Del Rio’s eyes, that makes Punk a loser and losers don’t deserve title shots. He does have an idea, he tells Punk to come see Del Rio when Punk gets a victory. Punk is at the back of the line according to Del Rio. Punk looks quite sad as the crowd chants his name. Punk had a feeling Del Rio was going to say that. Maybe Punk doesn’t deserve a title shot, maybe he is at the back of the line. Maybe he IS a loser. But maybe, if Del Rio isn’t willing to give him a shot, he’ll just put Del Rio to sleep anyway.
Here’s Johnny Ace…again. He says he is in charge and this shit ain’t goin down like this anymore. He’s the boss. Punk shows him how to correctly hold a microphone. Ace is thinking of a match. Punk vs Del Rio for the WWE Title at Survivor Series. Punk says ok, but what’s the catch? Is it going to be a handicap match or something? Ace says, there’s only one thing Punk has got to do. Punk makes a skateboard reference. What Ace wants is for Punk to tell Ace that he respects him. Punk calls him Aretha Franklin. He wants respect? Respect is earned, not given. He says that WWE isn’t any better with Ace in charge. Ace says to swallow his pride and say that he respects him. Punk says, “I respect you, Funk Man” in his Johnny Ace impression. That ain’t good enough, it seems, so Punk has one more chance. Ok…Punk says that he respects the fact that each week, Johnny comes out each week, live, with this completely lost deer in the headlights look on his face. He respects the fact that he doesn’t know how to hold a mic. He respects the fact that Ace would wrestle with a mullet and was never any good yet somehow still got to the top, showing the world new found levels of ass kissing, but above all he respects the fact that someone with so little has done so much. Ace says nah, that ain’t good enough and he no longer thinks Punk is suitable for the title shot. he is going to take another week to think about it. Punk says that while he is thinking for a week, Punk wants Ace to think about this, and he attacks Del Rio. He goes for the GTS but Rodriguez makes the save. Of course, Rodriguez takes the GTS.
We come back and Natalya is already on her way out. It appears that Beth phoenix is going to join the announcer’s table.
Match 3: Natalya v. Alicia Fox
Is that new music from Fox? It sounds like a lost level of Street Fighter 3. Natalya with a go behind but Alicia is back with some hard elbows to Natalya. Alicia goes for a jump over Natalya in the corner, but Natalya telegraphs it with a kick to the back of the leg. On the mat, Natalya slams Alicia’s head a few times before hitting a clothesline and sets up for a sharpshooter….no, wait, she’s lookin for something else. It’s the first part of a figure four only Natty is up and hitting some rights. Alicia rolls over and we get a reversal! But Natalya holds the ropes to break the hold. Natalya sends Alicia to the corner, runs for a body press but Alicia with a sunset flip and the pin for 1…2…3!!!
Winner: Alicia Fox (1/2*)
That was pretty sloppy, from my lawn chair. A lot of missteps and really short.
We see Eve and Kelly Kelly in the back, happy with Alicia’s win. Alicia’s celebration is cut short as the Natalya knocks her down. Both blondes go for the attack but Alicia slides out.
Match 4: John Morrison vs. Wade Barrett
This should be fun, as it appears that Barrett is gettin another push. Lock up to start and Morrison hits a go behind, but there’s Barrett with a back elbow. Morrison hits the ropes and hit an elbow of his own, some hard rights. Barrett goes for a big boot but Morrison falls down to telegraph it and kips up. Morrison with some rights but Barrett goes to the outside. Morrison is like nah, that ain’t goin down and flies between the ropes into Barrett. Both men outside and Barrett hits a mule kick then sends Morrison right into the barricade as we get a break…awww man!
We are back and Barrett’s got that dastardly chin lock in on Morrison! Morrison gets out of it but Barrett with a big boot and a cover for 2. I almost typed “21” there…imagine, a 21 count! ha! Barrett hangs Morrison on the ropes till the ref requires a break. Barrett with some hard knees to Morrison then another big boot, sending Morrison to the ground outside. Barrett goes to the outside to slam the back of Morrison into the apron then sends Morrison into the ring for a pin. 1…2..No. Barrett hits a knee to the back of Morrison as Cole speaks on a twitter feud with JR. Do your job, Cole. Morrison fights out of a submission but Wade takes over again, sending Morrison to the corner. Here comes Morrison with a back elbow, some clotheslines and a heel kick before hitting a shining wizard like manuever and pins…1…2…NOPE! Barrett puts his foot on the ropes! Morrison with a crucifiz then rolls down into a pin for 1…2..Morrison hits the ropes but there’s Barrett with his side slam and a pin for 1…2..No 3! Wade calls for Waste Land. He gets the Fireman’s Carry but Morrison fights out and hits a side Russian Leg sweep! Morrison is looking for the Starship, but Wad moves. Morrison lands on his feet! Morrison sends Wade to the ropes, reversal, kick to face, Morrison with a springboard, lookin for the Enziguri, but Wade catches him into a Fireman’s carry. He slips a bit and drops Morrison so he’s gotta recoup with the Waste Land slam.
Winner: Wade Barrett (**)
Well, we knew who would win. There was a nice bit of exhange between the two and I thought they did alright. The ending was a bit of a slip up but shit happens. I’m not sure why I didn’t rate it higher, I just didn’t feel it movin up anymore than two stars…then again, I suck at star ratings anyways.
We get the third replay of what Nash did to Triple H again. In case you didn’t see it or read it, Nash hit Triple H hard with a sledgehammer and he is bad…very very bad. Cole has apparently had enough. It appears that JR has been tweeting some mean ol things. Cole stands atop the announce table with the mic saying that JR is talking crap but what he doesn’t realize is that he must be drunk because he’s sent out some photos of himself and Cole wants to show us. We get pictures of JR on the screen that I really….well, ok I don’t want to complain too much but this is just fucking retarded. The pictures are of fat people with JR’s face pasted on them. Cole says he has had enough of Jim Ross and they are going to put an end to this once and for all. Next week in RAW, Cole challenges Jim Ross to a Michael Cole Challenge and all JR needs to know is this. If JR wins, Cole can have his seat back and Cole will quit. Ok, maybe some good will come out of this but considering the amount of Cole that we have received in 2011, I don’t see this going the way I want it to…
We are back with Zack Ryder all smiles. Josh Mathews asks if he feels any pressure. Ryder says that this is his first ever Main Event and Cena and he go way back. He’s not worried about Miz or Truth. He is about to Woo Woo Woo but Miz and Truth attack him from the side. They take turns beatin his ass before The Miz runs with a boot to the face of Ryder….there goes the Main Event…
As Truth and Miz come out, Miz asks for the music to be cut. Miz says that a revolution that has been on the rise for quite some time and Triple H tried to contain it, but look at Trips now. Truth now, says Trips got exactly what he deserves. Last night, The Miz says, they stood up to the arrogance of this conspiracy. When they rise up, no one will be safe from the Truth. Zack Ryder just found out first hand and so did Triple H. Truth says that people must have thought they were done last night, but the party is just getting started. This is only the beginning. Cena though the conspiracy was going to help him with that joke of a tag team partner. Truth says that nothing is going to save Cena till he gets GOT. Miz tells Cena that he can wear all his motivational catch phrases, but he cannot rise above this.
Justin Roberts announces that this match will now be a Handicap Match.
Match 5: The Miz and R-Truth vs. John Cena
Cena and Miz to start. Cena with a kick then some hard blows to the back. He gets Miz in the corner and some more hard rights. A kick then a suplex onto Miz. Miz with a tag. It looks like Cena went from 90’s jean shorts look to 91’s cargo cammy pants….he’s taking this “You can’t see me: thing too far, now. We get a snapmare takedown onto Truth and an elbow drop as Truth runs and tags in Miz. Miz tries to attack but Cena with a kick and an arm drag. Truth distracts and The Miz hits a DDT. Pin for the 2 count then Miz drives a knee to the back of Cena and kicks Cena to the corner. He tags Truth in and we get double kicks. Truth with a cravat from behind but Cena with a back suplex. Truth tags in The Miz and Miz goes with the hard rights on the ground. runs the ropes and hits a kcik to the face of Cena then pins for 1..2..No! Miz is stalking Cena, he’s getting pumped. He runs and there’s the clothesline into the corner. Miz is going up top. He waits, here comes the axe handle right on the head of Cena! Miz with a choke then tags in Truth. Truth with a hard right and a cover for 1…2..no. Truth stomps Cena in the chest a bit then goes for a pin, but Cena kicks him off of him and we get a protoplex only for Truth to tag Miz in. Miz runs to the corner with his knees, but Cena moves and Miz hits the turnbuckles. John Cena with the shoulder block, another shoulder block, Protobom, we cannot see him and the shuffle of five knuckles here. King “marvels” at Cena’s recuperating abilities….oh don’t we all. He sets Miz up for the AA but Truth comes in with the dreaded WATER BOTTLE! This is enough for the DQ.
Winner: John Cena via DQ (*1/2)
Typical Cena handicap match, and by that I mean Cena gets his ass kicked for a period of time before coming out a no selling flurry of offense and picking up the win, at least in this case it was a DQ
The Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finaly and here’s Truth to hit Pay Dirt, or as I like to call it, “Generic Finisher #3). Both Miz and Truth leave the ring. Miz goes for a chair, so does Truth. They’re in the ring but Ace is at the top of the ramp and demands that they stop this chaos! He says that both Truth and Miz have dispresected him and he’s not standing for it. He wants both of these guys to leave and leave now! He tells some refs to escort Miz and Truth out. Wait, Ace thinks differently. He wants Cena to choose a partner because at Survivor Series, John Cena and a partner of his choice will face The Miz and R-Truth. Cena swipes the mic from Ace. Cena considers some options before deciding on…. THE ROCK. Show ends.